A Northwest Night Out

My husband and I have explored a lot of the Northwest. We’ve gone to various restaurants, parks, baseball games, beaches, and even zoos. But we never could bring ourselves to explore the Northwest’s social scene. I’m not sure if it was laziness, lack of interest or a combination of both, but it took us almost two full years experience Kitsap County’s version of a “club.”

Since Scott and I spend most of our time at the gym on base it makes sense that we would eventually become friends with the gym employees. And this past weekend one of these employees invited us to her birthday celebration at a local bar and we felt compelled to go.

I knew we were in trouble when Nicole, the birthday girl, asked if I would wear a dress to her party. Apparently she was going to be sporting some hot new threads and didn’t want to be the only one looking like a cheap whore. I told her that I really didn’t have much of that kind of clothing anymore, but I would do my best. My “best” turned out to be my jean mini and a black V-neck.

When we pulled up outside the “club” I wasn’t sure what to expect. The Bistro looked more like a romantic Italian restaurant than the “it” place to dance. After being carded (thank you bouncer) we walked into what looked exactly like an Italian restaurant but with a dance floor in the middle of it. And though it was just 9 p.m. there was already a crowd of drunken women grinding to what I believe was the Humpty Dance.

And this is where this week’s Top Ten List come in….

Top Ten Things We Saw/Heard on Saturday Night:
10. A couple sporting cowboy hats and Wrangler shirts with snap buttons (unfortunately they were sitting at our table)
9. A herd of plus-size women in tube dresses equipped with corsets being pushed way beyond their limits (they all had flowers behind their ears as well, but that didn't distract from the obvious issue with their appearance)
8. A Ne-Yo look-a-like equipped with hat, suit jacket, and smooth dance moves
7. An Amazon-sized woman (taller than me and in heels) hump dancing a midget sized woman (shorter than Moosh)
6. An oddly dressed older gentleman making slow, deliberate laps around the dance floor, staring longingly at tube dress herd
5. An old couple in khakis and polos slowly walking through the Bistro, obviously they thought this was a romantic Italian restaurant
4. The white trash crowd reaction to Juvenile’s Back the Ass Up, enough said
3. Various large TV screens playing music videos …except for one playing the original Rocky movie
2. The look on my husband’s face when MIA’s song Paper Planes was played by the DJ
1. The waitress explaining how she can’t serve water to the table (we would have to go to the bar to get it) due to the threat of GHB (date rape drug)...that is what she said, I swear to God.