Saturday, August 29, 2009

R.I.P.

We’ve lost some legendary and famous people this week including Ted Kennedy and DJ AM. The tenants of Admiral Manor also suffered a tough loss this week…the pool.

A few weeks ago my husband came home from paying rent to tell me the pool (which had been locked up for over a month), was closed due to a leak that they couldn’t afford to fix. I was understandably upset since I was not only losing a place to catch Washington’s limited rays, but I was losing inspiration for this blog.

This week proved to be the final hurrah for the once great pool. Tuesday morning I was rocked, quite literally, by the sound and vibrations of a jackhammer. I looked out the window expecting to see a construction crew working on the side street, but was instead greeted by our building’s handyman using a jackhammer on the pool.

After further investigation I discovered not only the handyman plowing away at the concrete, but my neighbor, Mr. P, bailing the remaining water out of the pool with a small bucket better suited for a sandbox. Intrigued, I went to check the mail so I could get a better look at the situation. That is when I noticed Doc Holiday sitting in a lawn chair, smoking, and pealing off the privacy plastic that covered the fence surrounding the pool. Come to find out the management was giving residents a discount on rent if they helped with the pool demolition.

The next morning I was relieved to get notification from management that a professional crew would be coming in on Monday morning to fill the pool with concrete. I didn’t want Meth-head Mama driving a concrete truck or Doc Holiday working a blow torch.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Power Outage

When you live in a half-way-house (a.k.a. Admiral Manor Apartments), there are certain basic necessities that the sober folk must have to make it “one day at a time.” Such necessities include smokes, red bull, ramen noodles, public transportation, television, and rap music. The last two has something in common: they require electricity. So when the power went out at 5:30 on a Sunday night, I knew the “wagon” just got a little wobbly.

I was a little surprised when the T.V. suddenly went black. I thought we had blown a fuse or something because the kitchen light and microwave clock didn’t go off. But soon I knew it was more than just limited to our apartment. It took all of 45 seconds before the neighbors started hollering out their door.

“Hey, did anyone else lose power?”

“Uh, my T.V. just went off but my fridge is running!”

“My bathroom light works!”

“Oh I didn’t check my bathroom yet, I will go now!”

After about five minutes, the yelling died down. I had figured out that a hodge-podge of outlets had lost power throughout each apartment. It soon became apparent that those outlets were home to most of the television sets.

Soon doors began opening and I started hearing the pitter-patter of feet (or the dragging of flip flops). This was followed by the continuous flicking of cigarettes lighters and the smell of tobacco smoke wafting through my window. And that is when I started hearing the anxiety in their voices.

“How long you think it will be out?”

“The electric company has to come out and fix it tonight, right?”

“Man, what if we don’t have T.V. all night?”

This talking, pacing and smoking continued for the next three hours until the power was restored to all outlets in the complex. I didn’t hear much of what the neighbors said after that. I was too busy watching a movie on my television set. Instead of smoking and complaining, I pulled out the extension cord and plugged that TV into a working outlet. Duh.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

A Softball First

I have played softball on and off for about 14 years (which makes me feel rather old), so I have seen just about everything. Tonight, though, I had a first.

First, I will give you a little background for those of you who aren’t military types. On military bases they raise the American Flag at sunrise and sunset, no surprise there (they call this “Colours”). And when they raise the flag they play music over the loud speakers (National Anthem at sunrise, tune called “sunset” at, well, sunset). The cool thing is that when Colours occurs, everything outside on the base stops. If you’re driving, you stop. If you’re walking, you stop and stand at attention. It is very cool to watch.

So tonight we had a softball game that went into extra innings. With two outs, I stroke a single up the middle (because I rock). Our next batter bloops a can of corn into right field. As I am running to second base the music starts and Colours begins. The umpire yells “stop where you are” and everyone freezes, turns toward the sunset and stands at attention (non-military just stand with our arms at our sides). Once the song was over, play continued, and I took the last few steps to second base.

A total first for me. Love it.

--Oh and we lost the game because boys are stupid and throw the ball around when they should just hold it and call time out.

A Diet Update

So it has been three weeks since I have been trying to eat “real” food and do away with processed nonsense. I am happy to say that I have lost 5 pounds and haven’t really felt too deprived.

I am a little disappointed in myself though. In the past when I try to watch what I eat I tend to get into gourmet ruts, eating the same thing day to day. And it looks like I have done it again. After exploring some organic options, I found a handful of things that I like and that is all I eat. No more exploration for me.

So I am on the hunt for some recipes that will expand my horizons. I mean, I don’t want to come home with a bushel of veggies that will just rot in my fridge. I have talked with some friends who are going to send me some of their favorites, so I am hopeful.

I also need to make a trip to Whole Foods, but the nearest one will involved a Ferry ride and a 40 minute walk. I could make a day of it, but making it a regular stop while I am here in Washington, doesn’t seem very realistic.

Okay, enough with the pity party. I can only do what I can do. I am pumped and will continue on!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Top Ten List Of The Week

Laura’s Top Ten Lifetime Movies

10. Long Island Lolita (staring Alyssa Milano)—story of Amy Fischer who falls for Joey Butafucco and shoots his wife in the face.
9. No One Would Tell (staring Fred Savage and Candace Cameron Bure)—Fred and Candace star as high school sweethearts involved in an abusive relationship that their small town ignores until Candance turns up missing (um, she's dead).
8. Friends till the End (staring Jason London and Shannen Doherty)—Shannen befriends a seemingly innocent blonde who ends up trying to steal her life (boyfriend, band, etc.). The highlight (not) is that Shannen is the lead singer of a band and sings throughout.
7. A Face to Die For (staring Yasmine Bleeth)—Yasmine has a disfigured face and gets sent to jail for a crime her low-down hubby committed. But she gets amazing plastic surgery and becomes a stunning beauty hell bent of getting revenge!
6. If Someone Had Known (staring Kellie Martin, Ivan Sergei)—Typical abusive husband story well acted by Kellie Martin (dated the HIV-positive guy on the TV show Life Goes On...you know, the one with Corkey!)
5. She Woke Up Pregnant (staring Lynda Carter and Michele Greene)—A loyal housewife ends up pregnant even though her husband is infertile (the dentist drugged and impregnated her).
4. Co-Ed Call Girl (staring Tori Spelling)—Tori stars as a shy, co-ed who gets pulled into a world of high end call girls and eventually murder!
3. Dying to Belong (staring Sarah Chalke, Hilary Swank, Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Jenna Von Oy)—Sorority drama featuring a fatal hazing incident (Six from old TV show Blossom falls off a building after trying to hang a banner) and the subsequent cover-up.
2. The Burning Bed (staring Farah Fawcet)— Originally a Made-for-TV movie that debuted on NBC. One of the first abusive husband story to make it to TV, this movie features Farah as an abused wife who sets her husband on fire while he sleeps.
1. Mother may I Sleep with Danger? (staring Tori Spelling)—Tori is a co-ed again in this movie, but this time she falls for a psycho boyfriend who tries to control her life and kills anyone in his way!

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Funny Things I’ve Heard this Week

  • "You’d better be careful or that prosecutor will throw another charge your way"
  • "Your right is on the right side of your right"
  • "I don’t want to play softball today, I want to stay home and have sex"
  • "I have had a long day, I’ve walked to the laundry room like four times"
  • "I’m not ready for the whole Bolivian Army"
  • "You’re upsetting my rabbit"

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Tonight

I played softball tonight in the rain and could see my breath. And let me remind you, it is August.

I have nothing more to say.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Swing the Damn Bat

Okay, so I played my first game of co-ed softball tonight. It was a preseason game, which I think is silly and a waste of time. This isn’t Spring Training for Christ sake. Anyway, things went well and we won 13-7, but I am still a pissed off. Why? Because this is co-ed slow pitch so taking an ass load of pitches so you walk every time is fucking ridiculous.

We were trying a new lady on the mound tonight and the jackasses on the other team realized this and just took walk after walk after walk. And for anyone who has played slow pitch knows, you walk a man and he automatically takes second base and the following lady takes first. This process makes for a long inning. I would understand if our pitcher was throwing the ball over the backstop (which I have seen my step-sister do) or pulling a Rick Ankiel circa 2000, but they weren’t. The pitches were close enough to swing at, but they just kept the bat on their shoulder.

I take great joy in the fact that this strategy backfired. You gotta hit the ball to score the big runs, assholes. I also take joy in the fact that I came in as reliever and pitched two shutout innings.

Still got it, wa cha!!

Monday, August 10, 2009

Still Got It!

Along with my new diet, I am supposed to be trying new things. So today I agreed to go with a new friend from the gym to a step aerobics class at a neighboring naval base (Bremerton’s base doesn’t offer step).

I have taken step classes in the past, so I was surprised to find I was nervous. My stomach actually hurt a little. What the hell did I have to be nervous about? I guess I just didn’t want to look like a fool in front of everyone in the class and my new friend. In the past I would have come up with some excuse to get out of going and somehow justified it in my head. I probably would have called my friend Moosh, she justifies everything for me. But I told myself I couldn’t do that, I had to go.


I am so glad I did because I kicked so much ass that I could have taught the damn thing. Okay, maybe I wasn’t that good, but I kept up and can’t wait to go back next week! So, in the immortal words of my friend Knepper, “Still got it!” (She would also add two air gunshots with a return to holster, but I won’t take it that far.)

Tomorrow I have my first softball game in 4ish years. We will see if that goes as well!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

The Search

Everyone has that one food item they can’t live without. For my husband it is bacon, my sister loves her Cheetos, and for me it is ice cream. So I have been searching for organic ice cream, not even knowing if there is such a thing. I haven’t found anything actually marked “organic”, but I couldn’t take the lack of ice cream any longer and finally gave in and bought something. It is called Haagen-Dazs “Five”. I bought it because it only has 5 ingredients (milk, cream, sugar, eggs, and vanilla beans); compared to 20+ that are found in some of my old, low-fat favorites. I wasn’t sure what it would taste like and if it would be worth the calories and fat, but I figured a pint wouldn’t kill me.

Oh my sweet Jesus! I forgot how good real ice cream tastes. I am so used to low-fat, fat-free, ice milk bullshit that I didn’t realize that I had deadened my taste buds. I have a feeling that this lesson will resonate throughout my organic eating experiment.

But there is one problem. Actually, it is my problem. I have no self control when it comes to portion sizes. I cannot have a bite of something and then put it away. I have to eat all of it. When I was a kid my dad would buy a pound of M&Ms and divide it evenly among the family (didn’t every family do this?). I was always amazed that my sister would ration her candy and make it last for almost a week! My portion wouldn’t last an hour, let alone a week. So having a pint of delicious ice cream sitting all alone in the freezer, calling to me, is going to be a challenge. I guess we will see how long it lasts!

Friday, August 7, 2009

Why?

Why do people drag their feet when walking in flip flops? If you are so tired that you can’t pick your feet up, sit your ass down.

Why would someone put bullet hole stickers on the side of their truck? Is that supposed to be Gangsta? Wouldn’t it be more Gangsta to actually have bullet holes in the side of your truck? Should I grab some stickers and put them on my car? I got some old Care Bears ones or Scratch-n-Sniff perhaps?

Why would you install a door bell in an apartment that is less than 400 square feet? My neighbor, TB, installed her own doorbell the other day. Of course we can hear the damn thing in our apartment, but that isn’t my issue. My issue is to why she feels she needs a doorbell. I mean it is an apartment the size of a hotel room. Is her cough that loud she can’t hear the door? Does she get that many visitors?

Why does organic food have to be so hard to find? I currently have to shop at four stores just to create one day’s menu. I’m almost too exhausted to eat….almost.

Why did Grissom ever leave CSI? He was the glue that held that cast together…not digging Laurence Fishburne. He actually creeps me out a bit.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Top Ten List of the Week

Top Ten Things I Have Learned from Eating Organically Thus Far

10. I can live without 94% fat free popcorn
9. Non-instant rice takes way too long to cook
8. Greek Yogurt is indescribably disgusting
7. Drinking a ton of water really does make a difference (thank you 100+ degree heat)
6. I’m very rarely hungry
5. I miss ice cream
4. Plain organic yogurt is hard to find (too much fruit crap out there)
3. The US Navy’s Commissary (there version of a grocery store) isn’t conducive to an organic lifestyle
2. Eating out and eating organically do not go together very well
1. It may be working…down 3 lbs

Sunday, August 2, 2009

News from the Neighborhood

Fire Alarm
This morning I was startled by a piercing sound, the apartment complex’s fire alarm. When I stepped out the front door to see if there was indeed a fire (there wasn’t), I spotted TB running from her apartment. In her hands there were two things: her cat carrier (yes, she has a cat even though she is a smoking asthmatic) and a carton of cigarettes. When you have less than 30 seconds to grab everything you hold dear in life, you grab a cat and smokes. I love those priorities.

MH Momma Gets a Job
I overheard Meth-head Momma speaking with a woman who I think might have been her mother (same frosty blonde hair and unfortunate complexion) about her career prospects. When she told her mother the career she had chosen, I honestly snorted and had to pretend it was a cough. The recovering meth addict who is missing most of her teeth is considering dental hygienist school.

A New Character: Scary Dude
There has been a new character lurking around the corridors of our fabulous apartment building. We will just call him Scary Dude because, well, frankly he scares me. I am not sure exactly which unit he lives in, but he likes to visit TB.

A few weeks ago I passed Scary Dude on the steps and offered the polite “hi, how are you” greeting. He responded with “not so good, I’m trying to sell my movies,” and he held up his hand which was holding three VHS tapes. He looked at me with a mixture of hope and schizophrenia. Not wanting to know what kind of movies he had or what he would do when I said I wasn’t interested, I quickly smiled, took the steps two-by-two, and yelled “good luck with that!”

Days later, I got home and spotted Scary Dude sitting with TB outside her apartment (she has a little smoking bistro set up). He was dressed in a light orange three-piece suit circa 1977. As I rounded the corner and spotted the pair, TB was getting up and trying to unlock her door (yes, in this building, you lock your door, even if you are sitting right outside of it). There was a sense of annoyance and fear in her mannerisms. Scary Dude stood up, took a step toward her and said “well, I just want you to know that I care about you.” She opened the door, mumbled something, ran inside, and threw the deadbolt. I quickly decided that I wasn’t going to stick around to find out what the hell was going on and followed her lead.